I have two papers to write and two quizzes to take before 11:59 pm tonight, yet here I am. Writing a blog post. For the first time in 20 days. I really do have great timing.
Anyways, not much has been happening in my life since I wrote last. I started the show Luther, which isn’t too bad, and I’m getting closer to finishing up Community. I watched the Oscars, and had a fair share of both excited and disappointed moments. I’ve been trying to focus more on my classes, though not achieving much in that aspect. I dyed my hair darker using a natural semi-permanent hair dye, which I may possibly write a review for later.
I can’t help but feel I’m missing out on doing something. The future, which has never scared me in the past, is starting to intimidate me. Not in a bad way, necessarily…I’m just sort of starting to feel constant reminders that it’s there. But then I start thinking about how it’s not real and none of this is real and I start to forget why I was thinking that way in the first place, and I’m thrusted into a loop of emotions and feelings that I can’t resolve because I don’t know what they are.
I’ve realized lately that many of my problems stem from an inability to understand myself. I am starting to think that I over-analyze and categorize everything because of an overwhelming feeling that I don’t know where I belong. There are so many parts of myself that I don’t understand, and it’s hard for me to cope with that. I have a zealous desire to know everything that’s going on around me, especially in people, and that desire isn’t fulfilled in myself. Who am I? Why am I the way that I am? Where do I belong? What am I all about? All questions that I can’t cope with not knowing the answer to.
Anyways, that was just a little rant about what’s been on my mind for the last few weeks. I’ll definitely try to get back into writing more frequently. Thank you for sticking with me!